Find Your Own Rhythm and Make It Your Life’s Song
Knock knock, “Time to get up!” followed forty-five minutes later, “C’mon, let’s go! It’s 8:15. You’re going to be late for school! You should already be in the car!” Early in life, mom or dad sets a beat, and it can be frantic and jarring. You’re a child ushered from place to place, too young to choose. The beat you receive is an expectation of the pace and intensity at which you’ll move. The day transitions into a series of regularly scheduled school bells straight through to lunchtime, dance class, two bedtime stories (if you’re lucky and mom or dad indulges you), and of course “lights out.” Each of these moments in life represents a beat, interconnected through the string of time, flowing at a pace and intensity that you probably didn’t choose. A rhythm has been thrust upon you.
As we grow older, we can become more conscious of how the rhythm makes us feel as the beats are being stitched together. It’s how we feel when we’ve had a morning full of meetings, glance at the clock and notice that we won’t have time to stop for lunch. It’s that feeling around 7pm that we’re running out of time again. We can squeeze in a run on the treadmill, but that means dinner won’t be ready until 8:00 and the kids need to be in bed. It’s the law firm partner who circles the hallways every day at 6:00pm to check who’s still working, no matter how early some might have arrived in the AM. Many of us find that we don’t like the rhythm we’ve been dancing to for years, but it’s moving so quickly that we don’t know how to change it. But I did, and you can.
You might have read my story about my sudden departure from Washington DC in January of 2010. I resigned from my job and started my own law practice at that time so that I had freedom to live my dream of making music. As a result, my life expanded in an instance, and I much of my life was spent in taxis and on airplanes between my trial work in DC and my school in Boston. It was a pace I created to make time to earn a living and to live my dream. My practice was grew more successful over time, which meant that I was spending more time back in law than in music. By 2018, I decided that music wasn’t enough on its own to contain me. I hadn’t found the commercial success that required my full attention, and I no longer wanted to sacrifice the financial and intellectual opportunity my law degree provided. That fall, I accepted an offer from one of my clients to join her legal department full time.
At my new company, my work pace returned to frantic, but this time it wasn’t a combination of work that I had selected. Fully absorbed in six + hours per day of back to back meetings meant I had to stay later to actually do the work. The free time I had enjoyed to pursue my music dreams all but disappeared. Over the years, I had come to excel under frenetic rhythms. As one who rarely likes to sit still, I enjoy it immensely. But while my work at the company was fun in many ways, I knew that that I wanted more. I worked hard, learned about a new industry, and expanded my skills as an attorney. I was growing, and sometimes that’s reason enough to stay. But by the time the global pandemic hit, I began to search for more meaning. Why was I behind my computer at work each day? Why did it feel like one big competition rather than a team? What was so important about what I was doing that I’d spend half of my precious 24-hour day sitting there? The truest answer was that nothing was important about the work, to me. Yes, the work itself needed to be done for the customers, for the shareholders, and my colleagues. I got paid to do it, so I did it well. But for me personally, nothing that I truly cared about was implicated by my work daily. Outside of work, I saw people whose lives had a mission. Through reading their stories and observation, I began to explore the concept of living a mission-oriented life. I resolved that a mission-oriented life is a life that is rooted in a purpose that is greater than oneself and for the benefit of others, rather than solely for the benefit of self. It’s one that is connected to your personal values. I spent several months reflecting on what I wanted to do. When I asked for the work that would more closely align with my values, I was denied. I needed to leave.
In 2021, I joined a global coffee company with a mission that aligned with mine. This was an important step in advancing my mission-oriented life. I turned my back on a haphazard approach to career, and I started to sing a new song with a sound and a rhythm that felt right to me. When you’re in a competition, you must work at the pace, or even outpace, the work of the group. Your purpose is to win. Many people work hard at jobs where competition alone is the mission. As a result, they must play the song at the rhythm that allows them to advance over others. A select few people in the world understand the value and reward of performing mission-oriented work. The meaning of the mission energizes them and sets the pace. You find this with artists and craftsmen and in people with highly specialized work. I knew that being a lawyer and artist didn’t mean that I couldn’t find a mission that incorporated them both. My leap to music had been the first step. It gave me a taste of the mission-oriented life. My new company would be a place to plant more seeds.
Eliminating Stressing-Inducing Ambition
It’s not hard work that creates stress rather, it’s ambition: ambition to increase effectiveness or influence and maybe ambition to be admired or looked upon as being “the best.” From an early age, many of us are programmed to be ambitious, to compete for opportunities, positioning, and awards. But ambition can come in many forms. It can be mission-oriented and personal or it can be competitive with others solely for the sake of competition, monetary gain, or social standing.
Ambition can reveal itself as a frantic, uncontrolled rhythm or it can be an intentional, steady beat driven by a defined purpose and intention. Finding your own rhythm isn’t necessarily about slowing down or not striving to be “the best” at something. In fact, there may be a reason why you want to be “the best.” You might be so passionate about a subject that it would be meaningful for you to achieve the recognition of “expert.” But that reason is internal, not external and rooted in competition for the sake of ego.
To find your own rhythm is to set a pace and intensity for achieving an ambition that’s rooted in your genuine purpose and backed by relevant, noble goals. A person who finds her own rhythm understands that dancing to frantic rhythms, being everything for everyone, simply for the sake of ambition is not a worthy goal. I look back on the many nights I was the last car in the parking lot outside of my office complex. I stayed late regularly to increase my productivity and earn a promotion. Many nights, it was just me and the beady-eyed, raccoon that eyed me my nightly from his safe space in the sewer drain on the other side of the lot as I walked across the black pavement in the dark of night. I hopped in my vehicle ‘bout as fast as an IndyCar driver, praying the raccoon and I would never meet face to face. But, what was it worth? A few extra dollars for many hours of additional work - and eventually a small promotion to another role without meaning. Without a mission, ambition is empty. We should have a reason for what we’re working towards, and the reason must be prioritized first within and then outward to the world. This is the mission-oriented life.
Making Time for Rest
It’s difficult to hear a rhythm, or change it, if you don’t make time for rest. In music, the silence between the notes, along with the duration of time each note is held, are called “rests.” Rests are ust as crucial as beat and notes themselves in the making of a song. Think of the beats and rests both as driving the groove upon which you live each day. The rest time is important space to reflect on what you just experienced and to anticipate what might be coming next. A frantic rhythm makes no time for rest, and as a result. robs you of time for thought and reflection.
Plant mission-oriented seeds.
Then make time for rest.
How to Find Your Own Rhythm
Become mission-oriented. Write down three to five things that are most important to you, not in the eyes of others, but to you.
Establish your life around your mission and the people who matter.
Fight the urge to think that you’re in a race. You’ll accomplish more when you establish mission-oriented goals and allow your curiosity and passion to flow with the natural energy they generate. You’ll soon begin to make mission-oriented decisions. They will take on a life of their own at a pace that works for you.
Remember: sustaining a frantic rhythm does not make you more deserving nor is it required for a meaningful and rewarding life.