Understanding Who You Are and What You Value
Though the Encyclopedia Britannica cites experts who say there is no clinical evidence that suggests that one side of the brain dominates the other, as in a person being right brained (emotional, intuitive, creative) or left brained person (more analytical and methodical), for a right or left brained leaning person, the feeling can’t be denied. Others like me find themselves being equal parts both. This can be a difficult existence: where neither side dominates the other but both sides lie in conflict. I relished being a business-minded, analytical, problem-solving professional, but I also wanted to be a successful creative artist. It felt as if each side was preventing me from moving full speed ahead in those respective directions. Forging ahead with one side didn’t feel right when it would cause me to abandon the other. What was my career without the balancing effect of music and creativity? What was my creative life without my work, my interest in business, and my oversized, analytical, thought-provoking approach? Frankly, my brain felt at odds, each side annoyed by the existence of the other.
In Nashville presenting at the ACC’s
(Association of Corporate Counsels) Corporate Counsel University in 2022
I decided to engage a professional life and business coach to help me work through conflicting emotions about my career path, the progression that I felt needed to take place, and my continued creative pursuits. Here’s what I took away: you must come to terms with what you truly value before you make any other decision.
At our second meeting, my coach showed me a list of about 100 commonly cited values such as stability, creativity, success, influence, adventure, freedom, connection caring, balance, security, generosity, legacy, patriotism, perfection, spirituality, ethics, teamwork, beauty, and so on. She then asked me to circle the words that represented my values. I found myself circling half of the words on the page and then trying to narrow it down.
Here are only a few of the values from my list (I had twice this many!):
adventure
creativity
excellence
independence
integrity
positivity
confidence
wealth
connection
consistency
risk taking
freedom
loyalty
stability
love
What’s interesting about this list is that my career fulfills some of my values while my creative side fulfills others. Stability and consistency can be at odds with risk taking and adventure, yet I value them equally. The exercise illustrated how my values can actually conflict with each other and that some might be more important during different stages of my life. Creating a better future did not require setting aside half of what I valued (my professional career, analytical highs, and stability versus creativity, wholeheartedness, and adventure). It didn’t mean that I had to choose one side of my brain once and for all, which is what I had been pressuring myself to do. Instead, a better future is created when you understand your values and accept that leaning in to one, at a particular stage in your life, does not mean that you’re eliminating or neglecting the others. Knowing what you value allows you to make good decisions that are right for you, at the right time. This is what they call living in alignment, and it feels really, really good.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. ”
“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same but you leave them all over everything you do.”